Critique my Icebreaker please

[darylc]

Can anyone give me some help/advice/review on my icebreaker? I followed the guidelines from the AFCO but for some reason I think it's not right.

Thanks

Hello everyone, my name is NAME. I’m 17 years old and live with my Mum, Dad and older sister. Though I was born in TOWN, I live in TOWN, COUNTY. They, along with my friends, have responded positively to me joining the army as they all know it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. In my spare time I’m running, weight lifting, listening to music or reading. I’ve always been proud of this country, its history and it’s armed forces however I didn’t feel I was physically able to enlist. This all changed when in 2010 I lost a lot of weight and improved my physical fitness to levels I didn’t ever think I would. As a result of this, I feel I am more than physically capable of joining the army and doing myself, my family and the country proud.
My first choice job is a Royal Military Police officer. I know this job requires a lot of discipline, which I have. I have chosen this as I feel it would challenge me mentally as well as physically. This job also involves maintaining discipline and order in the army; therefore you need to be confident and loyal. The job also requires people to be firm yet fair, inquisitive and the ability to see things from several points of view. I know I possess these qualities in vast amounts. My GCSE results in Science show I can theorise, investigate and conclude with the evidence in front of me whereas my A*in English literature and language show I can interpret situations from several angles. Another skill I possess which would come in handy with this job is that, despite the fact I do not hold a full driving license, I am a confident and capable driver of small vehicles, with me receiving positive reviews from driving tutors.
My second choice job is ammunition technician, which includes bomb disposal and the maintenance of weapons and ammunition. This job requires an eye for detail, keeping calm under pressure and the ability the think logically. I possess all these qualities so I feel I would be ideally suited to this job. As with my first job choice, the RMP, this job would also challenge me mentally, making me think and concentrate in varied situations. I crave this challenge greatly.
Finally, my third job choice is armoured engineer with the Royal Engineers. I have a deep interest in Engineering, having completed a level 2 GCSE Engineering course at school and receiving a merit grade, equivalent to a B. Also, my Dad is a HGV driver so I have an interest in large vehicles. I feel armoured engineer, which involves driving and maintaining the challenger 2-based Trojan and Titan AFV’s, is a perfect blend of both passions. The job also involves clearing mines. As well as needing the qualities I mentioned earlier for my other two job choices, this job requires a technical mind and an eye for precision. Fortunately I have all of these.
I expect basic training to be incredibly physically and mentally demanding. I would, however, savour the opportunity to prove to people what my body and mind is capable of when pushed. I feel I would perform strongly in all the other aspects of basic training. This is because I have travelled all over Europe with my Dad in his HGV therefore I am skilled at map reading and would be used to living with just the essentials which would help me with living in the field training. This also means I am used to living away from home, so getting homesick is not possible, meaning I can concentrate 100% on the task at hand. I am highly confident; therefore drill would not be an issue. As well as prove everyone who doubted me wrong, I want to be able to make my family and friends proud in my career in the army. I also want to make friends for life through the famous army camaraderie, something that sadly doesn’t exist in civvy street. My strengths, as I’ve mentioned earlier, include my intellect, ability to remain calm and my confidence. My sense of discipline is also a quality I am proud of. This is why I feel I would make a great addition to the army in any of the 3 jobs I have requested. Although I am sure I’m not the fittest person to sign up, my fitness is always improving. When I started exercising at the start of 2011, I could barely run 1.5 miles, now I can do it in roughly 12 and half minutes. My most memorable event was GCSE results day last year when I received my grades. This might sound odd but it felt like I finally had something to show for all the hard work I put in at school.
Thank you for listening.

[darylc]

Also 2 more things:

1) Sorry, it was in paragraphs before I uploaded

2) Am I allowed the paper with me?

Thanks

[Amphibian]

Hey Bud, id remove the post and repost with the main details blanked out for security reasons. Just don't know whos watching! Ill certainly have a look over it for you though

Amphibian

[darylc]

Hey Bud, id remove the post and repost with the main details blanked out for security reasons. Just don't know whos watching! Ill certainly have a look over it for you though

Amphibian

Hello mate, I was considering blanking my name and such but I didnt think I needed to. I'll do it now though.

Thanks for looking at it though

[Tab]

Don't take in your speech but commit to memory. you have quite a bit of time to get it word perfect and practise in front of mirror. Now what are your hobbies and do you play sports. Also be prepared for them to ask you about world events or where you think the army will be in five years time

[sportbilly42]

It's not a reading exercise, it's a short exercise to give you experience of standing up in front of a group of strangers and talking....... while everyone's eyes are on you. The instructors aren't too interested in the content, they're just interested in the way you present yourself. If they can see you have no problems they often just cut in and tell you to sit down... (lots of others to push through the sausage machine....)

Are you mumbling, or are you projecting your voice...
Are you standing there looking at the ground and shuffling your feet, or are you talking to your audience and looking them in the eyes and engaging with them....
Have you got a bit of character about you....

If you practise in front of your family/friends/mirror you'll be more confident at what you want to say than someone who hasn't even thought about prep.

Most young lads/lasses will never have had to do this formally.. The nearest they come to it is having to do a game of 'charades' in front of the family at Christmas.... (and some get embarrassed just doing that ffs... )

So I would suggest that taking up the sheet of A4 and reading aloud would not be permitted and would defeat the object. Far better to practise what you want to say and just take up a small card that you can hold in one hand with a list of key words to remind you what to say if you freeze and 'forget your lines'.. Just a short list of prompters, that's all... The ACIO will probably have given you some pointers on what to say but something along the lines of: ABOUT ME, HOBBIES/SPORTS, ACHIEVEMENTS, WHY I WANT TO JOIN.... Content is all up to you, but have you got an interesting little anecdote that might interest your listener?

You could also use the 'Search' facility on here to get some hints....... but to save time here's a copy of Ofens post from 2010 as a starter:

Don't worry too much, just prepare a simple overview of who you are and what you've done.
They just want you to stand up and tell everyone a few things about yourself, nothing much just a little summary.
It doesn't need to be specificly detailed, if I was going to do one tomorrow I'd write a list like this:

- Age
- Family
- Last job
- What I liked doing at school
- Sports I play
- Sports I'd like to play
- Why I want to be in The British Army
(etc)

(Those who have recently done one might have a better idea of what topics to cover!)
You could change this adding and removing things as you see fit.

For each item on the list, speak a sentence about it...such as:
Age: "I'm 18", Family: "I have two brothers, live with my parents, my Dad was in the army...", School: "I liked Science but was better at History", Sports: "I play football almost every day, would like to try squash as it's good for agility"...

You don't have to write and memorise all this info, just speak the truth about each thing as you come to it in your list.
If (as Naylor suggests) a list is put up then that's ideal, just say something about each thing on that list.
But to help you prepare, think about writing your own and have a go, perhaps in front of your family or a couple of friends.
If you're at school, a teacher might be even better to help with something like this.

And if it was me I wouldn't use the Icebreaker to discuss the 3 trades you're after in any detail.... especially if your top job is RMP... (Your instructor may have had a run in with the monkies in the past and he may give you more attention than you deserve as a result...)

And just be careful of not putting yourself up on too much of a pedestal and bigging things up by saying things like "My strengths, as I’ve mentioned earlier, include my intellect, ability to remain calm and my confidence." The instructors may decide to have some fun by testing out these qualities..... Far better to keep those to yourself at this stage and let others decide whether you have those qualities once you've actually demonstrated them...

As for your third job preference I'd look into this if I were you and consider long term future. Armoured farmers, like most of the 'Heavy Armoured' roles, are under serious threat. Future combat is unlikely to involve too many tank battles and most of their time now is spent putting all the heavy machinery into mothballs or prepping/stripping MBTs before they get shipped off to Bangladesh to be melted down for nails and cutlery....... The future is airmobile... DO consider a career in the Engineers though....



Remember the icebreaker should only be around 3-4 minutes for everything, so don't sweat about this. The hardest thing is listening to the others in your group waffle on about their uninteresting lives and crap...
BUT...the icebreaker can really help or hinder your final IDST score so please do get some practise time in front of people rather than just relying on a mirror....

[Nathaniel Rooke]

Wow, that's a hell of a lot better than mine D: But I think those guys are right, less detail and it's more how you present rather than the content; confidence etc.

Even so, would you guys give me some tips on mine? I figured it would be better to post it in this topic rather than start a whole new one up.. I think it's very bland, When I read it out loud it sounds very manufactured and as you can tell I'm not a very interesting person it lasts 4 minutes though, so not sure what to do with it.

Name+age I am the second oldest in a family of 5, I have an older brother and a younger sister. I am currently living at home with my parents.
I come from *blank*; born in *blank* and have lived there all my life, as have my parents.
When I came to the decision that I wanted to join the army my family were all incredibly supportive, I’ve talked about it a lot with them so they’re well aware of the benefits that come from serving in the armed forces, like getting to travel all around the globe. My friends were quite surprised, but equally supportive too, I have received quite a lot of praise from friends of family about joining.
When it comes to sports I have always been a big football fan, although I never used to enjoy watching it so much. I used to play all the time at school with my friends, and although I never really had any other favourite sports. I have always been quite good at others: such as, basketball, rugby and cricket, mainly because I have always had good agility. My main hobby these days is playing guitar, I recently started to learn Japanese too, I teach myself both Japanese and guitar because it allows me the most freedom. In my spare time I enjoy doing most things that most teens do, like listening to music and watching my favourite shows.
There are quite a few reasons why I want to join the army, I have always been very proud of being British, very patriotic, and joining the army is certainly an ideal job for someone like me. I also like the brotherhood that is created between people during their time in training that lasts throughout the whole of their lives.
My chosen career is the Infantry; I have chosen this as I feel it would challenge me mentally as well as physically. This job requires you to be confident and loyal so you can cope well in dangerous situations and keep morale high. I understand than on top of war they operate all around the world taking part in things like peacekeeping and disaster-relief on top of war, these also require confidence so you can offer comfort to people.
I fully expect training to be very challenging, I’ve spoken to quite a few people who are or were in the army so I could get a better idea of what training is like. Despite of being aware of how difficult training will be I think it will be a lot harder than I could have imagined beforehand, because it’s something that I’ve never experienced before.
Right now I’m hoping to just be a capable soldier in general when I’m in the army, although I’m sure that in the future I will want start progressing through the ranks so I will have more responsibility and new challenges to take on.
I think I will be able to bring quite a few skills to the army. I’m quick learner and can become good at the things I put a lot of effort into, I’m a very loyal friend, and I can be courageous when it matters the most. I think that after training I will be able to use these skills in the army to help out my men when it’s needed.
Since the start of the entire process I started running 1.5 miles, and then upped the distance to 2.1 miles since after doing research I found that speed comes with endurance. I also started working out at home after a few weeks, using some of the tips from the resources that the people at the Army Careers office gave me.
My most memorable moment was getting my GCSE results, I achieved good results in a few of the subjects that I didn’t expect to do so well in.

In general I was unsure of what to put for a few of the topics, I feel that I'm really lacking to make any sort of decent points when it comes to what I hope to acheive and what I can bring to the Army.

[darylc]

It's not a reading exercise, it's a short exercise to give you experience of standing up in front of a group of strangers and talking....... while everyone's eyes are on you. The instructors aren't too interested in the content, they're just interested in the way you present yourself. If they can see you have no problems they often just cut in and tell you to sit down... (lots of others to push through the sausage machine....)

Are you mumbling, or are you projecting your voice...
Are you standing there looking at the ground and shuffling your feet, or are you talking to your audience and looking them in the eyes and engaging with them....
Have you got a bit of character about you....

If you practise in front of your family/friends/mirror you'll be more confident at what you want to say than someone who hasn't even thought about prep.

Most young lads/lasses will never have had to do this formally.. The nearest they come to it is having to do a game of 'charades' in front of the family at Christmas.... (and some get embarrassed just doing that ffs... )

So I would suggest that taking up the sheet of A4 and reading aloud would not be permitted and would defeat the object. Far better to practise what you want to say and just take up a small card that you can hold in one hand with a list of key words to remind you what to say if you freeze and 'forget your lines'.. Just a short list of prompters, that's all... The ACIO will probably have given you some pointers on what to say but something along the lines of: ABOUT ME, HOBBIES/SPORTS, ACHIEVEMENTS, WHY I WANT TO JOIN.... Content is all up to you, but have you got an interesting little anecdote that might interest your listener?

You could also use the 'Search' facility on here to get some hints....... but to save time here's a copy of Ofens post from 2010 as a starter:

Don't worry too much, just prepare a simple overview of who you are and what you've done.
They just want you to stand up and tell everyone a few things about yourself, nothing much just a little summary.
It doesn't need to be specificly detailed, if I was going to do one tomorrow I'd write a list like this:

- Age
- Family
- Last job
- What I liked doing at school
- Sports I play
- Sports I'd like to play
- Why I want to be in The British Army
(etc)

(Those who have recently done one might have a better idea of what topics to cover!)
You could change this adding and removing things as you see fit.

For each item on the list, speak a sentence about it...such as:
Age: "I'm 18", Family: "I have two brothers, live with my parents, my Dad was in the army...", School: "I liked Science but was better at History", Sports: "I play football almost every day, would like to try squash as it's good for agility"...

You don't have to write and memorise all this info, just speak the truth about each thing as you come to it in your list.
If (as Naylor suggests) a list is put up then that's ideal, just say something about each thing on that list.
But to help you prepare, think about writing your own and have a go, perhaps in front of your family or a couple of friends.
If you're at school, a teacher might be even better to help with something like this.

And if it was me I wouldn't use the Icebreaker to discuss the 3 trades you're after in any detail.... especially if your top job is RMP... (Your instructor may have had a run in with the monkies in the past and he may give you more attention than you deserve as a result...)

And just be careful of not putting yourself up on too much of a pedestal and bigging things up by saying things like "My strengths, as I’ve mentioned earlier, include my intellect, ability to remain calm and my confidence." The instructors may decide to have some fun by testing out these qualities..... Far better to keep those to yourself at this stage and let others decide whether you have those qualities once you've actually demonstrated them...

As for your third job preference I'd look into this if I were you and consider long term future. Armoured farmers, like most of the 'Heavy Armoured' roles, are under serious threat. Future combat is unlikely to involve too many tank battles and most of their time now is spent putting all the heavy machinery into mothballs or prepping/stripping MBTs before they get shipped off to Bangladesh to be melted down for nails and cutlery....... The future is airmobile... DO consider a career in the Engineers though....



Remember the icebreaker should only be around 3-4 minutes for everything, so don't sweat about this. The hardest thing is listening to the others in your group waffle on about their uninteresting lives and crap...
BUT...the icebreaker can really help or hinder your final IDST score so please do get some practise time in front of people rather than just relying on a mirror....

Great advice there mate, thanks a bunch.

P.S I thought I had to discuss my chosen jobs but fair point about the RMP

P.S.S I have had doubts about my third job choice aswell but whenever I thinkl about changing it, I remember why I want to do it.

Nathaniel - They've changed the icebreaker now. Now they give you a topic and you have to talk about it.