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Combat(?) PTSD

Discussions and general chat about PTSD. Feel free to introduce yourself or if you need help, please reach out and ask.
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staffassistant
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Combat(?) PTSD

Post by staffassistant »

(COMBAT?) PTSD

In late 2003 I was warned off that I was to be sent on a 6 month detachment to Kuwait. My appointment would be Staff Assistant to the Senior British Military Representative Iraq (SBMRI). As the appointment indicates, I was a Military Administrator and I would certainly not regard myself as a combat soldier. That said I did spend over 15 years in a Teeth Arm Unit and had begun my military career as a ‘combatant’. However, and I am sure this happened to many who had chosen my career path, once one became a Sergeant or maybe higher one tends to neglect the combat side of the job in favour of the primary job, and that was to administer a Regiment, Headquarters etc. This was ‘unofficially’ accepted because the Officers one worked for required you to do your job otherwise once the annual inspections took place and the organisation failed it would be the Adjutant/Commanding Officer’s that would have to explain to Brigade Commanders why. Therefore as far as being a combat soldier was concerned the ‘system’ allowed you to fall behind but encouraged it to make themselves look better come inspection time. The ‘paper-pass’ syndrome comes to mind.

In my time I have completed four tours of N Ireland and one of Bosnia. My first tour of N Ireland was 1979 and my personal weapon was the SLR which I had been trained on from the beginning and felt I was fully competent and indeed confident handling this rifle. As I began to move through the ranks it became more clear that I could easily be ‘excused’ activities such as range days, first aid lessons, battle awareness and I have to say I was quite happy not to participate in such activities because a. Sometimes they were just a pain in the arse and b. for those who have been employed as administrators, they will understand the role can be quite stressful and if one has to miss one day in the office that stress level increases, therefore to be able to continue with one’s primary job uninterrupted was readily accepted. Nevertheless what I did not realise is I was doing myself no favours due to what was going to happen in the future.

Back to 2004. The post that was supposedly in Kuwait was actually in Baghdad and I was to be embedded with the US troops. When the mistake was realised I was asked if I still wanted to go. Of course I did, what would people have thought of me had I said no? The problem that now occurred to me was, am I fully prepared to enter what was clearly a war zone unlike anywhere I had ever served. The answer was no. My deployment date was June 2004 and therefore I had little more than 4 months to get myself up to speed! The next problem was, I was in an extremely busy staff job in London where for the duration of my post there is no military activity because of the pressures of the post. My knowledge of the SA80 was limited to say the least, and my knowledge of field craft in such a theatre was almost nil. I did attend the mandatory pre-deployment courses but as there were so many being pushed through, both regular and territorial it was almost impossible to get any real grasp of the drills required. In fact I, like many on my course, failed the SA80 weapons test! Once again a blind eye due to the sheer numbers coming through and I was declared ‘fit for deployment’.

You may recall that 2004 in Baghdad has been described as the most fearful period for Allied forces in Iraq since the war, indeed I can vouch for that. I arrived in Baghdad having had little sleep, unshaven and disorientated but was given no time to acclimatise. How could you when our three vehicle patrol had to drive down the infamous Route Irish? My role was top cover. Here I was looking down my rifle into a real war zone, in the distance car bombs were going off, this became a normal sound for us in Baghdad as car bombs were heard probably 5 or 6 times daily outside the Green Zone and at least twice a day we took direct mortar fire. What the hell was I doing here? My main underlying fear was; would I be able to assist my Force Protection under contact or would I be a hindrance. Once again I had landed into a high pressure admin post working directly for the British General but I made sure each evening no matter what time I got to my room I would strip and clean my rifle trying to become more comfortable for what I felt would be the inevitable contact. Funnily enough, I was given the nickname Jonah because I was involved in many incidents on Route Irish….more than the usual.

I put at the heading of the ‘statement’ a question mark after the word combat. I do this because I seek some help, guidance, reassurance or whatever it is I am looking for. In November 2004 I was part of a three snatch vehicle patrol; I was in the middle one. I cannot go into much detail but suffice to say we were in an area outside of Route Irish having carried out some administrative/logistical tasks. The middle vehicle was involved in an ‘incident’ which to this day I am unsure what. However, the result was my vehicle was rolled and I suffered various injuries which resulted in my casevac back to Selly Oak. Actually it resulted in the end of my career. Following a two year period where my physical injuries mended it was decided I had Severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My problem is, I cannot and will not regard myself as suffering from ‘Combat’ PTSD especially when I come across ex-servicemen who have suffered so much. My own ‘trauma’ I believe came about because I was ill prepared for such a theatre due to my lack of training in the latter part of my career.

To summarise, in order for me to find some sort of closure I would like to hear from anyone who has had similar experiences, that is to say they feel that they were not as trained as much as they ought to be but were still allowed to deploy nevertheless. Does any ‘trauma’ come from the fact that they felt inadequate rather than experiencing the horrors of war. I look forward to any comments from anyone who may assist me in my journey
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Tab
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Re: Combat(?) PTSD

Post by Tab »

If you have any worries you should have a chat to SAFFA as they do a lot of work in this field.

Now what do you class as being properly trained for combat ?

If you think that Kuwait was bad you should have tried places like Korea where the Chinese would attack in thousands and over run whole Battalions and many men only got 10 weeks training before being shipped out there to fight.

Just go to a site called British Small Wars and read about what has gone on ever since the end of WW2 and read what other people have had to do and with what
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Re: Combat(?) PTSD

Post by Scouse Lancer »

Hello staffassistant,

I was in the same boat buddy, I started as a teeth Arm and was transfered due to Injuries i sustained in a Bike accident. Downgraded and non deployable I found myself in Kuwait in Feb 2003 and Umm Quasar by March 23 lol.

A few run ins with the locals and the U.S. marine Corps later I was sent home after my tour. When I got home for an unknown reason I went a little potty and walked out on my missus and daughter (Went back home after a few weeks).

As you said, being in the SSA role meant I was with the Adj & CO most of my working day and as per the ol Mil Skills they faded over 3 years so arriving in theater having just passing my WHT, with little or no fieldcraft skills it was off to the berm we go. Every day the biggest worry I had was, Will i let the rest of the boys n girls down? I was more scared of "f@#k up" than I was about an IED, or Incoming and yes it makes you paranoid, you can carry it with you for years after you have left the theater or the Army, it took me almost 3 years to get over it, and even now it sneaks up and makes me doubt myself and my abilities.

It was a massive amount of stress, almost every day for 6 months, worry and also being shit scared on some occasions.

Some of the incidents to pop into my head every now and then, but you can get help buddy and believe it or not, you were in the Green Zone, you did come into contact on your many Admin and Logistical runs and it was combat regardless of your role or appointment.

Chat with SSAFA there is also a local Mental Health Team in your area, all you need to do is say the magic word of Veteran and you will be placed with someone in the know who can help you if you need it.

You just need to take the step, you did it once into the careers office, you did it again off the plane in Kuwait City, you can do it again.

Good luck buddy,

Animo et Fide

But I much prefer my real one

Ich Dien.

:)
Once a Lancer always a Lancer, Ich Dien.

It must be accepted as a principle that the rifle, effective as it is, cannot replace the effect produced by the speed of the horse, the magnetism of the charge and the terror of cold steel. - British Cavalry Training Manual, 1907
Wholley
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Re: Combat(?) PTSD

Post by Wholley »

You should consider these people as well.

http://www.combatstress.org.uk/

The RBL may help and maybe your Regiment's Welfare Officer.
There is help out there,you just need to take the first step.
Indicate if you would like to chat and I'll send my phone# via PM.
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